“Everyone seems so angry with me for being ill”

This will have been hanging over my head for a year next month, PIP lied so the next time I am assessed if I do feel better I will not be entitled to the physical element of disability benefit which leaves mental health, which is more likely to be refused. She knew very well what she was doing and gloated about being able to cause me problems

I don’t remember I was so stressed by previous assessments. It lied. It said I could do things I can’t.

A year ESA has been hanging over my head, what PIP said could have an impact on ESA? I’ve become agoraphobic because of this process, I had anxiety and depression under control before this reassessment insanity, I might have been more active without mental health problems but have had back dislocations due to weak muscles, a crown just fell off my tooth and there’s no way I can get to the dentist it’s gonna have to fall out. I hate what’s happening not just to me but to others I care about.

It’s not always just about the money, as the other cuts have been put in place I have no care, so being paid to have care and have no care, and feel guilty about it but have no way to organise care, with anxiety I do not trust a stranger with my bank card and was told by care agency “it’s the only way” I keep pooing blood because I’m stressed but have no way to trust my Dr who won’t come out to me I assume as an attempt to get me to leave the house ( I can’t ) everyone seems so angry with me for being ill, for existing, for needing help and having none and to top it off I’ve had suicidal thoughts and my feelings might just win if my fears do happen, I’m not in control of it anymore, I was.

 

However

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